Two Sample Essays:

I.  AP Exam Question 2:  Prose Style Analysis

In the passage from a Tale of Two Cities where Charles Dickens describes the tragic death of a child, Dickens imploys strong word choice to illustrate a characterization of Monsieur Marquis and the dead child’s father, and to juxtapose the horror-filled scene with the calm manner of Marquis. He uses such diction to set an ambivilant tone, and to show the common attitude of the aristocracy during the time of the French Revolution. [This is an ideal intro for an essay written under time restrictions.  Like most of the paper, it is clear and to the point--efficient.  The paper is off and running in the right direction. The comment that declares the tone of the passage to be "ambivilant" is sophisticated and thought-provoking, even if the word--and others--are misspelled.]

Dickens begins the passage with imagery of a “dashing” carriage, moving with an “inhuman abandonment of consideration.” The man inside the carriage, a wealthy, unconcerned aristocrat Monsieur the Marquis, symbolises the common aristocratic sentiment during the French Revolution. The carriage “swept,” “scream[ed],” and “swooped” as it charged it’s way down a crowded street in the poorer section out of town. To the Marquis’ inconvenience the carriage stops with a “sickening little jolt” as it crushes a small child. Dickens writes that the carriage probably wouldn’t have stopped—“why not”—but the “frightened valet” imediatly decended from his master’s throne-like position to inspect the incident. Monsieur “calmly” looks out at the chaos around him. He is greeted by the father of the deceased “howling over it like a wounded animal” and having a “ragged” and “submissive” countanence. The difference between these two men’s attitudes is astonising. The Marquis seems oblivious to his monstronsity—even though the evidence is before him—and the father is “shriek[ing]” with “wild desperation” about the accident. The lack of consideration displayed by the Marquis was not uncommon during this time, as the peasants frequently reiterate throughout the course of the novel. The poor father on the other hand, is obviously distraught over the loss of his child, and dismayed by the lack of compassion of the Marquis. This represents the common peasent sentament towards the deafness of their plight in the ears of the aristocray. [Spelling is becoming a problem.  It is distracting. But otherwise, the paper is loaded with specific references to the text (in green) and insightful analysis (in blue).  The writer uses Dickens' diction as a "vocabulary of analysis" by embedding little words and phrases in her own sentences.]

Dickens juxtaposes the horror of the scene with the Marquis’ uncompassionate manner to further illustrate the attitude of the aristocracy. The Marquis remarks that he can’t comprehend why “you people” can’t take care of themselves and their children and that they are “forever in the way.” He then trows a gold coin to the father as reparation for the killing. Marquis dehumanizes the peasants through these actions—calling them a collective “you people,” and tossing a mere coin as if it comensates for the death of a loved one. The repeated inhumanity Marquis displays towards his audience is what will eventually cause the oppressed to become the opressors. His violence forshadows the violence that the then wide-eyed peasants will unleash as the novel progresses. These actions and the common attitude of the French aristocracy sets the stage for the blood-thirsty vengence of the Revolutionaries.  [The paper finishes strong and establishes the writer as an authority of the subject matter by tying the significance of this scene to the overall meaning of ATOTC.  NOTE:  This is not necessary and should not be over emphasized, but it works in this case.  The paper has fully and completely addressed the question asked in the prompt.  It identifies and analyzes the most striking words and images in the passage.  The development of the paper mirrors Dickens' development of the scene.  It's a strong, upper-level paper despite the mechanical issues, issues that would have been corrected with the benefit of time and revision.  It's easily a 7, maybe even higher.]

II.  AP Exam Question 3:  Open Response

Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse, is not the story of Siddhartha following a path to enlightenment, but rather the story of Siddhartha seeking a path to enlightenment. Within the story, he attempts to pursue various spiritual paths; however, all these paths can be assimilated into three major categories: the spiritual, the material, and the river. It is this river from whence, in the end, Siddhartha draws the most gain. The geography of Siddhartha, which includes the river, plays an important role in Siddhartha’s journey as well as Hesse’s main point about enlightenment.


When it regards literal affectation of the character, the river serves as an obstacle that must be overcome along Siddhartha’s path to enlightenment. After Siddhartha has crossed the river border from the spiritual land to the material land, he forgets about the river. Consumed in materialism, he cares no longer to hear the song of the river. However, in the end, Siddhartha learns from Vasudeva how to hear the river’s message, and he learns to see the river no longer as an obstacle but as a teacher, an ephemeral mentor for himself and Vasudeva.

Figuratively, Hesse’s river represents the unity of all things, the truth equally in every affirmative as in its opposite. It is the literal border on Siddhartha’s quest between the spiritual land—the home of his Brahmin father, the monks, the samanas—and the material land—the home of business, money, sex, love. The river brings these seemingly clashing sets of ideals and transcends them. It is only when Siddhartha realizes this, realizes that all elements in the universe are already perfectly combined, that he achieves enlightenment. Hesse is arguing one cannot have spirituality without materialism, for one will miss all the world’s beauty and mystery, just as one cannot have materialism without spirituality, for one will have no concept of ideas higher than that which is right in front of his eyes. Each compliments the other. Each is necessary. The river draws them together in harmony. The river makes the universe perfect.

Siddhartha’s quest first leads him to a river bank and tells him to cross it. At this point, the river is only an obstacle preventing him from entering the material or the spiritual world. But as he learns from Vasudeva, the river becomes less of an obstacle and more of a teacher. The river, to Siddhartha and to Hesse, comes to symbolize universal harmony, the yin and the yang. Enlightenment cannot be attained through only the spiritual or material world. Enlightenment, like the river, transcends these individual spheres and in doing so, draws them into one collective sphere. In this way, the river gives rise to Hesse’s main point about the path to enlightenment: it is neither pure spirituality nor pure materialism but rather transcends these ideals in perfect harmony.